HAPPY HYPOCRITES DAY
by Sexy-Poptart
Summary: Warning:Highly Insane! A bunch of Harry P one shots. Involves crazy, idiotic, psycotism... whatever that means! All from the sick, twisted, crazy, insane mind of Gothiclover. R&R please! Flames are accepted.


**Title: Happy Hypocrites Day  
  
Summary: A bunch of Harry Potter one-shots I wrote.The title has nothing to do with the story yet, I dunno if it will. The chapters have nothing to do wth eachother,  
either. R&R. I accept flames. I suck at writing summaries, so don't get mad.  
******

**Disclaimer: I AM A DISCLAIMER! FEAR MY WRATH!!! (Pokes a straw into a Juice Box) BUAHAHAHAHA! I AM HERE TO SAY THAT ONLY JK ROWLING AND WARNER BROTHER OWN HARRY POTTER! **

**Author: gothiclover  
  
I thank my beta reader, Koala(aka silent-eyes-of-the-night)**

**

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****Chapter 1: Harry's Dream  
  
Setting: A Malt Shop in Hogsmede  
  
A/N I'm gonna write this chapter in Script form because it's easier when your writing dreams... Well, it is for me, at least. By the way, so you don't get confused,  
here's who's who:  
Sprite-Harry  
  
Dr. Pepper- Lord Voldemort  
  
Pepsi's- Death Eaters  
  
Coke-Draco  
  
Root Beer-Ron  
  
Cream Soda-Hermione  
  
Sunkist-Cho  
  
Big Red-Blaise Zabini**

****

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Sprite: That's it, Dr. Pepper! I'm tired of you and your group of Pepsi thingies wreaking havoc on the rest of us caffine-free lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverages.  
  
Dr. Pepper: What're you going to do about it? Shake and explode?! HA! I made a funny.  
Anyways, I shan't rest until I get rid of all you multi-flavored sodas and become the most powerful softdrink on the counter. And I'll start with you.  
  
Sprite: Not so fast. You may have your henchdrinks fooled, but I know the truth. You,  
Pepper, are only 50 PERCENT FIZZY GOODNESS--  
  
Pepsi things: GASP!!!  
  
Sprite:--Not 100 like you led many to belive.  
  
Coke: Hahahahahaha! The Dark Pop is only half. That means I'm better than him. I really _am_100 percent bubbly magic. I ROCK!(Does the Peanuts dance)  
  
Sprite: Stop being such a peanut. We were talking about how Dr. Pepper is a fraud. What are you doing here anyways? Isn't your boyfriend waitng?  
  
Coke: Oh no, I forgot all about Big Red. I gotta go. Love ya mucho. Ta-Ta.  
  
Sprite and Dr. Pepper: ... okaaaaayy 0.o  
  
Sprite: Now, Where were we?  
  
Dr. Pepper: You said I was only half carbonated and I was about gasp and say something stupid.  
  
Sprite: Oh. Okay. Please Continue. 1.1  
  
Dr. Pepper: Thank you. Ahem. GASP?! How did you know? My therapist said nobody would notice. WAIT, I wasn't supposed to say that. Dammit. Oh, well. At least I'm still loved by my Pepsi's, right?  
  
Pepsi's:...( leave)  
  
Dr. Pepper: NOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't want to be left alone, I'm afraid of the dark...and it's noon. Pleeeeease come back, don't leave me here. I think I'm gonna cry.(cries)  
  
Sprite: That's pathetic. Funny, but pathetic.  
  
Root Beer: Is it over already? I wanted to fight him.  
  
Cream Soda: So you would rather fight Dr. Pepper, who's crying at Sprite's feet, then hide behind a salt shaker, keeping me safe?  
  
Root Beer: Well...when you put it that way..um..er...no?  
  
Cream Soda: You best say no, or you won't get your surprise.  
  
Root Beer: I did say no, Can I have my Surprise?  
  
Cream Soda: Yes.(kisses Root Beer on the label)  
  
Root Beer: (smiling) That was a nice surprise.  
  
Cream Soda: I know it was.  
  
Sprite: Will you two quit it? I'm trying to make Dr. Pepper feel better.  
  
Cream Soda and Root Beer: WHAT?!  
  
Sprite: I had to find someway to get y'all to shut up. You were making me sick.  
  
Root Beer: It's not my fault Sunkist didn't want to go out with you.  
  
Sprite: Shut up.

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**Well, what'd ya think. This is my 1st fanfic and it's probably the longest thing I've ever written,I'll try to make them longer, don't worry. _Pleeze_ review, I'll be eternally grateful. If you want any of my chapters to become actual stories, let me know. I'll update when I can. Poke ya later.  
  
-Gothiclover  
  
NOW REVIEW!**


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